Now here's the stupid part. I'm doing all this while juggling with the consequences of my little, uh, fender bender yesterday. Yep, I messed up. I had the luxury of going to a ladies event at church yesterday evening because a friend graciously arranged babysitting for me with a teen from church. So the sitter arrived, I finished up last minute details like giving the kids dessert after their dinner, changed my clothes quickly, and dashed out to the car. I got in and backed out of the garage. And, being totally unused to having any other car in my driveway because I can count the times I've had babysitters on one hand, I backed right into her car which was in the turn around.
Bit of trivia for you: In a contest between the back end of a Honda Odyssey and a Jeep (Liberty or Patriot, I think) with a spare tire on the back, the Jeep wins.
Yep, my Odyssey's back end was smashed, and the lights were smithereens. Can you say "scrrrrruuuuuunch"?
And guess how much damage there was on the Jeep? Notta. Nuthin'. Twasn't the tiniest scratch to her car. I took photos just for the record. But mostly I am so thankful because I love this family from our church and didn't want to ever cause them any trouble. I am praising God that he let me get all the damage for my own idiocy.
I'm also thankful that he is an all-knowing God who kindly let Jay take the Jaguar back to NC this week, leaving the truck in our garage. Thus, I have alternate transportation for myself and the kids while the van is recovering. I know there are some people out there who would say "Well, if God is smart enough to know you'd crash your car and he made Jay leave the truck, why did he even bother to let you crash your car in the first place? Why didn't he just stick his hand out and stop you?" I have a very good answer for that, and I'll share it.
I have a problem with grace. You may remember reading that on this blog. I tend to react to situations in a selfish way, and most often overreact when disciplining my children or confronting others. I am not willing to let things go without letting the other person know how they've put me out, wronged me, or otherwised acted foolishly and blown it. I don't extend grace to others as Christ has extended it to me. For those of you who don't really understand what grace is, it's something that we don't deserve at all, but we all desperately need. Like being loved in the midst of screwing up, or being forgiven when we've really done something unforgiveable. I am the Queen of dishing out what-for.
So here I am, so humbled by a friend who knew my need for a night out and arranged a babysitter as a gift for me (this is grace--I didn't deserve an evening out, but needed it), and in the middle of feeling grateful for her kindness, I smashed up my car. Of course, I had to call Jay and I knew he wouldn't be happy (I just made a huge payment to our adoption agency, Christmas is on the way, and all that other great stuff that looks like $$$). He isn't one to yell, but I knew I had let him down. And when I told him what I had done, he said "Well, take the truck." That's what he said. He told me he'd take care of calling the insurance company; he said he'd arrange everything. And he did. He just wanted me to go out and have a nice evening and don't worry about it. This is grace--I didn't deserve him caring about my evening out with the girls, but I needed it, because all I could do was feel bad about what I had done.
I thought about this a lot all the way to church and all the way back home. What beautiful examples of grace were right in front of me. Then I reflected on two incidents that morning. In the first Jacob got me out of the shower to tell me he spilled his bowl of milk at breakfast. I was ticked off, to say the least. I didn't yell at him, but I got dressed and coldly went downstairs to clean up the mess. I didn't smile at him and tell him it was okay. I didn't offer him more milk, or even offer to let him help clean up. I just put on my best "p.o.'d Momma" face and took care of the mess myself. Then later, after lunch, I noticed the kids had left a huge span of sandwich crumbs under the table, across the kitchen floor, and all over their chairs. I had vacuumed the entire downstairs, including the kitchen, just 20 minutes before. Do you think I was going to just sweep up the crumbs and let it go? Oh no. There would be Justice! I called the kids in, yelled, and ambushed them with a verbal form of chemical warfare. After the raid, I sent them upstairs, showed them the yet unvacuumed carpet, and made them spend the next half hour picking up every tiny speck.
I reflected on these things while driving home last night and was acutely aware of why God let me have my little car crash. I needed to see the stark difference in the way I was treated, with the way I treated others. If I needed to see grace in action, there it was. I immediately thought of the scripture of Psalm 103:10-12 "He does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us."
He got my attention, and that's all he wanted. Psalm 15:17 says The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.
Our car can be fixed, but how often can I truly say my heart is fixed? Honestly, I'm very thankful I blew it. Some lessons just require more home work than others.
So, in the midst of all the adoption paperwork, we're dealing with an insurance claim, towing, repair, and the worst of it, a deductible. Not much fun when the Visa applications themselves are running over $600. Let's just say, I might need to start selling plasma pretty soon.
Love,
Petrie
1 comment:
Oh, no, Petrie! Sorry about the fender. Thank goodness for insurance.
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